Old Talk

Old people.  Fat people.  You may have noticed that these are the last remaining groups in our culture that it is still possible to insult and disparage with impunity.  Fat acceptance advocates and BBW (big beautiful women) sites are fighting the good fight – but pretty much losing.  Older people – in this post Gray Panthers world (remember them?) – are not even trying.  That’s because – and listen to this closely – unlike virtually every other group that is the butt of slurs and slights, old people buy into and generally accept the negative stereotypes about themselves.  In fact, they think worse of themselves than others think of them, which is apparently a unique finding in the world of social psychology.

Our culture tells old people that they are superfluous, useless and clogging up the works. Their best days – physically, intellectually, creatively, sexually, you name it – are over.  The message is loud and clear, and it is internalized.  It is what old people tell themselves.  It is what they learn to believe.  And in believing it, they become it.  Expectation leads to outcome.

Now comes the disturbing news, via a new study by Carolyn Black Becker at Trinity University, of a link between fat talk and old talk – two powerful, hurtful, ego-deflating variations of negative self-talk.  Fat talk, as any woman knows, is that cruel stuff we tell ourselves that we’d never put up with from anyone else.  It’s the rant in front the mirror, especially the dressing room mirror, especially the dressing room mirror when we’re trying on bathing suits.  It turns out that for women with negative body images (seriously, do you know anyone not included in this category?), fat talk diminishes a bit as they age – but is replaced by old talk. “I look fat” is replaced by “I look old.”

So we never stop beating ourselves up?