A groove becomes a rut over time

With Raising the Barre, my new book, just out, I’ve been on the road quite a bit: reading at events, responding to readers’ questions, listening to their take-on-the-challenge stories and their shake-it-up-midlife dreams.

I know that my personal dream to dance The Nutcracker on stage with a professional ballet company is not, to put it mildly, for everybody. But everyone I’ve talked with on my travels or heard from via email and social media gets it – either because they too have this do-I-dare-to-dream-this dream or because they, like me, feel this midlife urge to raise the bar on their own life. It’s really about appreciating where we are and what we’ve so far accomplished but not allowing complacency, not going on autopilot, not settling. A groove becomes a rut over time.

The big, important (and generic) question I’ve been getting most often is: How did you do it? How did you move from dreaming to doing? I just got this question recently during a live Facebook chat with Barre3 founder Sadie Lincoln, who is the poster girl for dream-and-do-it. Because we were slammed with questions, I could respond only briefly. I wrote this…”One word: LISTS.”

Let me elaborate. The difference between wanting to do something and doing something, between wanting a change and making a change is motivation. First step: Ask yourself why you want or need to take on this challenge and make this change. What are your specific reasons? Make a LIST. The list itself creates (or fans the flame of) motivation.

But that’s not enough. Motivation must be tied to expectancy. Can you see yourself doing this? Do you believe it can happen? If yes, where does your confidence come from (LIST!). If not, why not (yes, LIST).

And now comes the hard part. It takes focus, effort and attention – lots of it – to make something happen, to convert dreaming to doing. I don’t mean that in a general ya-gotta-dig-deep way. I mean, specifically, in a this-is-what-I-need-to-do-to-make-this-happen way. Are you seeing a…wait for it…LIST here?

That’s how I did it. Step by step. Each step an item on a list, from changing my fitness routine to finding a “remedial” ballet class; from enlisting a friend into the adventure (everyone needs a wing-woman) to talking with midlife women who made big, bold changes; from buying my first leotard in more than 4 decades to…well, you get the idea.

A list does not rob you of spontaneity. It imbues you with focus. It converts the impossible to the possible, step by step. In Raising the Barre I refer to – and draw confidence and energy from –E. L. DOCTOROW’S famous line: “Writing a novel is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” For “writing a novel,” I substituted “dancing The Nutcracker.” I focused on what the headlights illuminated, not the long, dark (foggy) road ahead.

And I got there.