You’re young…but you’re old?
Our negative and sometimes downright nasty stereotypes about age are entrenched, pervasive and very difficult to escape or ignore. The other day I was standing in front of the birthday card section at a local store, and here’s what I saw: On the front of one card were two older ladies blowing on party favors. The text read: “At our age, we don’t call it a ‘party favor’ anymore.” Inside: “We call it a work-out.” Or how about this one: An overdressed woman in a fur coat is standing outside a bathroom stall looking confused. Inside the card, the text reads: “At your age it all comes down to one question. What was it I came in here for?” Really? The “golden years” are about not having the breath to blow on a party favor and forgetting why you walked into the bathroom?
So, I wondered: How old do you have to be for the birthday card industry to assault you with insults masquerading as humor? Not as old as you think. Maybe, in fact, as old as you – and I — are right now. On one card, a cross-eyed cartoon vulture is perched on a branch. The cover text reads: “So, you’re 50. Hey, look on the bright side.” Inside: “Okay, so there is no bright side. There’s a bright light, but you’re gonna want to stay away from that.”
Whaaat? At fifty there is no “bright side”? At fifty you’re eyeing death? But wait…it gets worse. The card next to it proclaims in big bubble letters: “40 isn’t old!” Inside: “Cover isn’t true!” Forty is old? What about “40 is the new 30”? Aren’t magazines targeted to women of a certain age (now apparently defined as the first day after our thirty-fifth birthday) proclaiming just this in upbeat stories accompanied by airbrushed, studio-lit photos of gorgeous women who are forty but look twenty-five?
I’m confused. No, I’m not confused about why I find myself in the bathroom. I’m confused about these conflicting you’re old no you’re young no you’re old messages. I’m confused (and angry) about the damaging, sometimes self-fulfilling stereotypes about aging. Aren’t you? Please vent (in the comments section)! Venting is an anti-aging strategy.
4 comments
What amazes me is how many people make fun of themselves as a kind of self-inflicted first strike to defend against other people’s bad jokes about aging. Aging is a fact of life and the only way to avoid is to die young, and yet it’s the last area of discrimination where neither politeness nor political correctness can seem to stop the rude comments. Think about it. If people joke about race, religion, gender, body weight, height, sexual preference, nationality, etc, someone, in fact a lot of someones will jump on them with both feet (as well they should). But a joke about age meets with no rebuttal or outrage. There’s no anti-defamation league for the “over-the-hill” group.
This is especially true for women “of a certain age.” That certain age is a moving target and seems to be getting younger all the time.
BTW, this isn’t just a US issue. I lived in England from the mid 1980s to mid 1990s. I was constantly amazed by the fact that “mature” was commonly defined as 25-30 when it came to women! Older than that was “old.” I know because I did recruitment for the London banks for a while. Employers would ask for a Personal Assistant or Office Manager specifying “mature” then reject anyone over 25 as “too old”! Since there were no laws against age discrimination, there was no way to fight this. I tried.
OK, Lauren, I have vented. 😉 As a grandmother, I hope this improves for future generations, but personally I’m not too much bothered. I try to surround myself with intelligent people of all ages who know better than to put people in boxes with labels.
Could not agree with you more. What upsets me the most is that these stereotypes set up an expectation that aging equates with everything negative and nothing positive. And you’re right: Women get the brunt of this.
I don’t think the term “Cougar” is doing us any favors either. Way to make anyone over 30 feel completely sexually ridiculous, jerkballs!
I’m with you on that, April. I think underneath the “cougar” idea is the notion that “older” women (like older than 40) are not sexual beings. Therefore, ones who are, must be predatory. And, my heavens, suppose they like a younger guys. Let’s stigmatize them for that.
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