We are the change

Ironic – sad, disappointing, anger-inducing – that at the same time we see a vibrant, tireless, full-throttle 74-year-old criss-crossing the country and invigorating voters young and old, at the same time we see millions more people living healthy, engaged and meaningful lives into their 70s, 80s and beyond, we have made so little progress in confronting and defeating ageism. Harmful, negative (and erroneous) stereotypes of older people remain deeply embedded in our culture — and especially in our language.

Ever hear of (or practice) “elderspeak”? It is a sweetly belittling form of address (simple sentences delivered louder and slower than normal conversation) that is, essentially, babytalk directed to mature adults. How are we (why “we”?) doing today, dear? Elderspeak is patronizing, condescending and based on insulting and misguided stereotypes about aging, and the cognitive and communicative abilities of older people.

Or how about these insults masquerading as compliments?

Gee, you don’t look your age!
As a columnist for HuffPost writes: What did you expect a 50/60/70-year-old to look like? A crypt-keeper? We know the intention behind the comment is harmless, but it’s actually not a compliment. It’s just reinforcing the belief that old is automatically unattractive/decrepit/not sexy.

Wow, you still do that?
(“That” meaning: working, performing, hiking…) “Still” is one of those words that reeks of ageism. She’s 60 and still running marathons! She’s 70 and practicing law! The word “still” is a qualifier here and expresses the belief that the activity is unnatural for someone of that age. Because, of course, someone of that age should be sitting on a porch rocker and knitting.

Boy, you’re sharp as a tack!
Um. Thanks? I guess you expected the person in question to be dull and unfocused, forgetful and fuzzy-brained, maybe demented because she is, you know, old?

Awww, they’re so cute!
Said when viewing an older couple walking down the street holding hands. Bunnies are cute. Kittens playing with balls of yarn are cute. A couple who continues to enjoy each other’s company after 50 years isn’t “cute.” It’s a miracle.

The thing is, we can’t hope to battle ageism as a culture until we cure ourselves of our own negative attitudes, until we stop telling ourselves that old means sickly, useless, sexless and boring, until we stop thinking of active, engaged, vital, curious, interesting older people as exceptions., Those of us moving with passion and energy into our 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond are not the exceptions that prove the rule. We are changing the rule. We are the change.