The exception(s) that DISPROVE the rule

When are there so many “exceptions that prove the rule” that the rule itself is negated? How many “exceptions” does it take for the rule to become obsolete, for us to forever forget the damned rule?

I am thinking of Ruth Bader Ginsberg here. I am thinking of Georgia O’Keefe. Toni Morrison. Beverly Cleary. Sadie Delany. Oh, for goodness sake, Betty White. I am thinking of all these “exceptions that prove the rule,” these old women who are/were strong, vital, spirited, energetic, resilient, creative, interesting. The “rule” they are/were all exceptions to? It’s the rule that states to be old means to be sickly, fragile, dependent, boring–and useless. And in the way.

Yeah, yeah, Bernie mounted the most energetic campaign possibly in the history of campaigning at age 74. And Grandma Moses didn’t start painting seriously until she was 78. And sure, Ruth is rocking it on the bench at 87. But whenever we hear about active, engaged, powerful people who are 75 or 80 or, gasp, even older, they are presented as exceptions. Because everyone knows that old people are creaky, crabby creatures who totter around (if they’re lucky), eat bland mushy food, natter on about their ailments, and hold up the line at the grocery store by writing checks. Checks.

Among the countless things that anger (stun, depress, disgust, worry) me these days is institutionalized ageism. Yes, I said ageism. Not racism, sexism, homophobia. Well, of course racism, sexism, homophobia. But those -isms and –phobias are at least part of our national conversation. We protest in the streets about them. We attempt (sometimes successfully) to create policies that weaken their hold. They are discussed in schools, in the media, on the lecture circuit. I am not saying we have come close to conquering these forms of discrimination. I am saying we are talking about them.

And then there’s ageism.

It is not just firmly embedded in popular culture. It is mostly invisible–thanks to the imposed and self-imposed ghettoization of the elderly (from nursing homes to upscale retirement “communities”).

The old stereotype is accepted virtually without question. Haha. Read the funny birthday cards about clueless, forgetful old people. The memes. The street signs that show us what we think: A silhouette of a stooped (oh that dowager’s hump) old lady grasping a cane. She can hardly place one foot ahead of another. Watch her struggle as she totters, oh-so-slowly, across the street.

And then there’s Ruth. And Toni. And Betty. You know, the “exceptions.”

As George Bernard Shaw famously wrote: We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. (He lived to age 94.)

Ruth is in the game. She is a player. She is, in fact, the hands-down winner of the MVP award.

She is brave and honorable. She is persistent and tireless. Let’s honor her by NOT calling her “the exception that proves the rule.” Let’s trash the rule.

Here’s what I wrote a while ago about old people in Europe, where old people are part of the life of their communities.