Old and NOT in the way
Among the many differences between life in Europe and life in the U.S., one of the most consistently startling to me is how many old people you see…everywhere: behind counters in the shops, rolling out dough in bakeries, strolling on the streets, waiting for buses, shopping in grocery stores, socializing in cafes, sitting on benches and reading the newspaper, enjoying concerts. In other words, they are a visible part of their community. A normal part of everyday life. This woman, In Rethymnon (Crete) and her husband own a phyllo bakery. They are in their 80s.
This man sells produce from his farm at the Minoos Market (Chania, Crete) every Saturday. His granddaughter — or it could be his great granddaughter — comes to help. When I bought tomatoes from him, he guided her to make the correct change for me.
This 90-year-old woman, a resident of Elos, in the mountains of western Crete, is sitting out on a sunny day enjoying the festivities of the town’s annual chestnut festival. In between the rousing music and traditional dancing (she taps her feet and nods her head), she chats with family and passersby. When I asked if I could take her picture, she laughed and patted my arm.
These guys are sitting on sunny bench outside the Agora, Chania’s central marketplace. I sat and watched them for almost half an hour as they chatted, laughed, argued, called out to friends who passed by and generally looked like they were enjoying the morning and each others’ company. And — a big and here — being out in the community, feeling part of the vibrant life of this small city.
I think of the difference between the lives these older people live and the ones lived in the US by the elderly (and not even old old, but just retirees in their 60s and 70s). The healthy post-retirement Americans, many of them, are opting to live in gated communities among their own kind, in secluded enclaves, no longer a vital part of their families or of a multi-generational culture. Our healthy older people go to retirement “villages” that are not villages at all. Our unhealthy elderly are warehoused in nursing homes.
We will never defeat ageism if we don’t live together, if older people do not publicly and actively participate in their communities, if young people don’t see and know and interact everyday with older people.
7 comments
Excellent post, Lauren. I agree completely. Make people less invisible!
It’s a complex issue, but not unsolvable. If older people who are able to (which is the vast majority) stay in their communities and stay active, stereotypes about “frail/ fragile/ useless” won’t withstand the reality. But younger people have to value the contributions of these people to make that possible.
SO many people here retire to a chair and there they sit. Watching TV and doing not much else, thinking that their “glory days” are behind them. Life is meant to be lived, we can learn, create and have new adventures at every age. I loved reading your post and seeing the pictures, they bring a big smile to my face!
Thanks so this, Nicola. Older people are NEEDED in their communities. Many community nonprofits where I live are almost completely run by volunteers in their 60s, 70s, 80s, even 90s.
Yet, I have seen my 94 year old father and 90 year old mother thrive since they have moved to an “Independent Living community”. They are supported with balanced good meals, mobility support, closed captioned movies and lectures. In the course of a week they socialize at meals, attend topical Plato society lectures, daily exercise class, acupuncture treatment, bookclub, mindfulness meditation, evening movies, concerts and travelogues. They work in the retirement library, care for their neighbors, and are making new friends. They are involved and thriving in a safe and supported environment…and they are happy.
Delighted to hear about this culturally vibrant community of older people that your parents are part of. My point, really, is that unless younger people SEE and interact with engaged older people like your parents, stereotypes of “old” will endure.
Mary how wonderful to read about your Mother and Father, I wish this were more the norm and not an exception. There are some very self-defeating belief systems about aging that need to go the way of 8-Tracks and see the light of a new day.
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